On The Road Again!

Lately I have been going through a lot of changes. You wouldn't know it to look at me, because they are all internal. But I am learning so much about who I am and who I want to be. I am trying to create my life exactly how I want it.
I think it must be natural that I have been having so many ups and downs lately. This is how change occurs, I guess. It is not just a straight and easy path, it is a bumpy and winding road.
I feel like a lot of my time on this journey has been spent sitting on the side of the road and waiting for someone to come along with a map.
Or backtracking and getting lost!
I guess what I am trying to say is that for me, and probably everyone, change is hard. I spend a lot of my time thinking I am not getting anywhere at all.
But then I will have a breakthrough, and all of a sudden I am off again. With a full tank :)
I had one of these moments (or breakthroughs) last night.
I was talking to my husband and he said something to me that hurt my feelings. He didn't mean to and he probably isn't even aware that he did. I was thinking about it after and I realized that what he said is something I am always telling him about me. Just one of those things I ALWAYS say about myself. Like 'I am a so lazy' or 'I should do this' or 'I never finish anything I start'. Little, silly, negative things that I am continuously throwing out there.
He was just innocently throwing it back to me.
Then I realized that all of the things that my family say to me that hurt are things I have said to them about me! It occurred to me that I am giving people weapons to hurt me with. I am giving them power over me and then wondering why they use it.
I am letting my lack of self confidence rule me and I am basically telling people to treat me like garbage. I said this to my husband and he said "that is what I have been saying to you forever". Well, okay then, I am listening :)
I guess this is one of those 'easy little things' I have been missing out on!
So I have decided that I will not help anyone put me down. I will not give them the weapons to use against me. I will not say anything negative about myself. Even the littlest thing can come back at me and cause me pain, especially when I hear it from someone else.
I am going to take back my power and be the person I want to be. I will not hide behind excuses and be afraid of change. I am going to be in charge of my life and I will start with loving me.

So, I guess I am on the road again! It feels good :)

Putting Off Happiness???

You should know that I am a HUGE procrastinator!
The funny thing is that I hate this about myself and yet it is the thing I have the hardest time changing.
I do not like to be late, yet I am always running behind schedule. I always like to plan things and be prepared, yet I leave everything until the last minute.
It absolutely drives me CU-RAAAZY!!!
Anyway I think I had an epiphany the other day. I was in the shower, where apparently I do all my best thinking ;), and it occurred to me that procrastinating is like putting happiness off until later.
I mean if I do the dishes right away I am so happy about how clean my kitchen looks and I can relax, but if I do them later my kitchen looks crappy and on top of that I feel bad because once again I put something off that I could have just done and gotten over with.
Not to mention the fact that when I put off a small job until later it is usually a GINORMOUS job by the time I 'get to it'.
So I finally realized that every time I say "I'll do that later" it is the same thing as saying "I will be happy later".
Lately I haven't been putting anything off, no matter how big or small, and shockingly (sarcastic much?) I am much happier. I feel like I am being the real me, finally.
I am planning, I am cleaning things as I notice them, I am following the 'never put off until tomorrow what you can do today' rule.
It is definitely making my life run smoother.
I know people are probably saying 'Duh - that is so easy! I have always known that'. But honestly for me it wasn't really clicking until now.
So I am wondering how many other 'easy' little things I am missing out on.
If one little change can make such a huge difference where else can I improve?
I am definitely going to be keeping my eyes open for ideas - no more procrastinating there either:)

What have you been putting off?

A Fresh Start!

I was looking through my pictures again this morning and I thought I would share these ones. I remember this day clearly. It was so beautiful. The air felt fresh and crisp and everything looked so clean and bright. Looking back through these pictures brought those feelings right back to me. It was just exactly what I needed today. I am going to keep thinking how great I felt that day and take some of those great feelings with me throughout today.

I hope you enjoy them too, they make me think of a fresh start :)

Fall

I am loving the weather lately! It really feels like fall is on the way.
I love fall!
It is my favourite season by far. I love the smells, I love the sounds of leaves crunching, I love all the colours. I really just love everything about fall.

















I was looking through my pictures today, and I came across these ones. They are some that I took last year, and they really say Autumn to me. I can almost smell the leaves.










Just thought I would share them, they made me smile :)
I hope you enjoy them too!

I Love Books

So, if you have read any of my previous posts, you may know that I like to read. Actually that is a huge understatement. I LOVE to read. As a child I used to imagine how cool it would be to be locked in a huge old library for the night. I love the smell of books, I love the look of them, I just absolutely loooove books. If I am looking for information you can always find me with my nose buried in a book. I read all the time. I read if I am upset, if I am bored, if I am enjoying some alone time.

I think I may be an emotional reader :)

Cleaning Up!

I have been feeling out of sorts lately. I don't usually use that phrase, but I don't know how else to describe it.
I was grumpy, irritable and just feeling altogether dissatisfied. I couldn't figure it out. I have everything I thought I always wanted and life is going great.
The only change is that I have been going deeper while trying to work out some of my personal issues and I have really been trying to figure out who I am. I am reading some amazing books and articles. I am learning a lot of helpful new affirmations and visualization techniques, and I feel like I am really heading in the right direction.
So why am I feeling so junky???
Today while I was having my shower I think I figured it out. It is my perfectionism taking over!
You may be wondering why the shower triggered this revelation but it will all make perfect sense in a minute, trust me;)
OK, so one of my stops on this journey of self-discovery was to the Fly lady. I really love her group and have received a lot of very helpful and informative e-mails since I joined.
Well last week as I was reading my fly lady e-mails I came across one from a woman who had written in about her shower.
Apparently she had a really dirty shower and she kept putting off cleaning it because the thought of doing the whole thing until it was perfect was overwhelming. She finally realized that her perfectionism was taking over and that some scrubbing is better than no scrubbing. If she could just give up trying to be perfect and use baby steps eventually it would be done.
I am sure this is what I have been doing to myself.
I have been so bogged down with trying to be perfect or with being overwhelmed by the amount of things I need to work through. I wanted to fix all of my problems NOW and I wasn't getting anywhere.
So in the shower I clued in. Instead of getting frustrated and overwhelmed at how much work, or self-improving, I have to do I need to start small. I need to take baby steps. I need to do a little at a time and eventually I will get there.
I am on my way and there is no time limit. I plan on enjoying this journey, so I will not ruin it by trying to make it perfect. I am going to enjoy myself every step of the way. I am so grateful for all of my experiences.

Today I am especially grateful because I learned something about myself....and my shower is really clean:)

Who Would I Be?

I am reading quite a few books right now. I think I must be going through some kind of change, spiritually, and books are where I always head when my world feels like it is turning upside down.
I am trying to figure out who I want to be. I know that may sound silly, after all I am thirty-one years old. Not only do I not know who I am but I also don't know who I want to be.
I am trying to flow with the process, just let things come as they will, and eventually I will get there. I suppose I will breathe a sigh of relief and say "so here I am, this is me!"
But I can't seem to let the process flow, I am trying to guide it and push it and force it along. So... enter the books.
They are great books, and I find them inspiring, but for some reason since I have been reading I have gone from feeling hopeful to anxious. And from focused to flighty.
I am sure this is just my perfectionism trying to take over. I am feeling very unsatisfied in most areas of my life right now. I am not unhappy, but I feel as though I am missing something. Anyway, back to the books. I read a sentence in one of them that is really sticking with me. It was from Excuses Begone!. The quote is 'If no one told me who I was, who would I be?' I think this is an amazing question.
The author advises me to 'quietly meditate on this by spending time in the spaciousness of not knowing.' There is my problem. I started out quietly meditating and then I started pushing.
I hate not knowing!
I guess my task for today will be to take fifteen minutes of time for myself and just relax. I will meditate and I will visualize and I will not push. Instead of putting a time limit on my journey I will take a few minutes and enjoy the possibilities.

I am ready to enjoy the journey, wish me luck :)

Create

Okay, honestly, I am completely off track right now. But I feel so excited about all of my possibilities. I am not eating the way I should, I am not living the life I know that I want to and yet I am still feeling excitement. I know that the possibilities are endless, and I can't wait to visualize my future full of happiness and gratitude and surprises. I can't wait to bring it into reality. I read today about vision boards, and it reminded me that I had planned to do one for myself ages ago. I want one for my future, things like home and health and family. I also want one for financial abundance and possibly my future career. I am so glad that I read about vision boards today because now I feel like I will finally get focused on doing this. I feel a little flame of excitement burning inside of me. If just imagining my vision board can make me feel this positive and excited, imagine how well it will work for me when I have actually created it. I know what is important to me and I visualize as often as I can about how I want my life to be, I am so excited to add this extra tool to my visualization. Creating this board will make me so much more powerful in my visualizing activities. I cannot wait - so off I go to get started.

The possibilities are endless - I love that :)

Getting on Track :)

Wow, I have not posted in a LONG time. I have been a little busy the last few months. We had our beautiful baby boy at the beginning of April. He is so sweet and we all love him like crazy. Our Daughter cannot get enough of him. I am very happy, but lately I have noticed that I am losing more and more of my positive outlook. I haven't been working at it. I need to remember to work at it. I am definitely happy, but I forget that I need to constantly live life with an attitude of gratitude. I know life is so much better when I do. I can't just sit back and say "life is perfect, I have everything I need and want". I have to constantly be grateful for what I have, and I need to actively work at being the positive, healthy and happy person I know that I am. After all it is so worth it. I will start today. I am going to make a list of ten things to be grateful for and I am going to be grateful :)

So happy to be getting back on track :)

Oh Baby!

I haven't written in quite a while. Things have been pretty busy around here. Getting ready for the baby and spending a lot of quality time with our daughter.
I am starting to get a little nervous about my delivery, but I am sure it will go smoothly :) There is some positive thinking!
As of now my doctor is saying that I will be induced on the 6th, so I have two weeks to go. Time has really flown.
I feel good, and I think we are almost ready around here. I kind of wish it was May though and I was already finished, hee hee!
I am looking for ways to use visualization during my delivery, because I am trying to avoid meds. I am sure I will do wonderfully, and my husband will be there so that is all I need.
Anyway, I am obviously preoccupied with baby stuff right now, so I guess that is it for today.

Sending positive thoughts to everyone :)

RAGING HORMONES??

I am feeling a little grumpy lately. I know that it is pregnancy, plus I have always been a very emotional person.
I am so excited that our little boy is almost here, but I am SO scared of giving birth. It probably sounds silly because, after all, I have done this before. But it is scarier this time, because I know what is coming.
I am really snapping at people a lot. I mean, not all the time, I am not a monster :) But enough that it is upsetting me.
I find that I have very little patience with my mother, especially. She seems to know exactly what buttons to push to drive me crazy, and I am definitely letting her get to me. I don't think she is doing it on purpose, I am taking complete responsibility. Well alright, I will place some of the blame on my RAGING HORMONES again :) But, I need to get a grip!
I haven't really had much to blog about lately and when I sat down today this is what came out. So, obviously, I need to resolve this issue.
As usual I feel better just writing it out, I guess I should blog more often.
I will make a conscious goal to be kinder to my mother. After all, who needs the bad Karma? If I am ugly to my mother, I may be dealing with a really cranky baby for a very long time :)

Happy thoughts :)

Sheduled Joy

I have been a little sick this weekend. It is a really yucky sinus infection or something, so I have a wonderful headache :) My daughter is sick too, poor baby.
I am so glad that I am in a better frame of mind lately. Before, if I got sick, I would hide under the covers and feel miserable and sorry for myself. But not now. I refuse to feel worse than I have to. I think healthy thoughts, I take care of myself and I go on with my routine. I mean, I feel like I am like twelve months pregnant right now, so it is a little more difficult, but I still do my best. I used to take time out of my day to focus on how crappy I was feeling, and now I refuse to do it. I will focus on the positive, even when I am feeling under the weather, and I really do feel better faster.
I was thinking about this the other day. The fact that I used to waste time on negative thoughts and feelings, when I should have been focusing on positive things instead. It actually occurred to me when I was reading a post on the pregnancy site I visit. A woman was talking about how her husband is going away in April, and when she marked it on the calendar she realized it was the one year anniversary of her mother's death. She was unsure if she wanted her husband to go away, because she planned on being upset on this day.
I was thinking that it seems weird to me that people schedule time for sadness. I understand that it would be a rough day, I would be upset too. But why are we so much more likely to schedule sadness than joy? I have decided that I will not 'schedule' sadness anymore. I mean when it comes I will feel it, and deal with it, and experience it. But I will no longer plan for it. I am choosing to plan for happiness and joy. I won't hide from sadness, but I won't go looking for it either!

Have a great day :)

The Journey

I am feeling pretty agitated right now. I know why, It is completely clear to me. I woke up in a really great mood, then after one phone call I am feeling miserable. Why do I let others have so much influence over my mood? Possibly because I am a sucker? No, because sometimes I forget to be as positive as I want to be and I take on other people's negative issues. I shouldn't do it. But hey, I am only human. So I guess it is bound to happen once in a while. After all this is a journey, and I am learning as I go.
Right now just writing is actually helping me to get rid of some of the negative feelings and thoughts I was having, who knew? I know that when I am feeling negative a great exercise, for me anyway, is to clearly visualize how I want to be feeling. I also restate my positive goals and then I usually feel better. Today I was just determined to stay grumpy I guess.
Maybe I should start writing down my goals as I blog, then I may think of new ones and keep on going.
Some of my goals are: to have an attitude of gratitude, to be more confident, to see the beauty in everything and everyone, to Practice the Four Agreements: Be impeccable with my word/ Don't take anything personally/ Don't make assumptions/ Always do my best, to let go of the past, to forgive, and to be the change I want to see in the world.
Those are not all of them, it is just part of my list from 43 things, but putting them down again makes me see exactly where I need to focus my energy. I definitely do not have room for negative thoughts.
I am off now, to be more positive for the rest of the day :)

Sending positive thoughts out to you too!

Driving In The Snow

Today the roads have been really terrible. I wasn't aware that so much snow had fallen until I went to take my daughter to school. When I stepped outside all I thought was Yikes!!!
I usually do not have a problem with snow covered roads because I learned to drive in the snow and I just felt really comfortable behind the wheel. But then last month, just before Christmas, I slid off the road on my way to work. I wasn't hurt and I didn't drive into anything or anybody, but it was so scary. Since then I have been feeling less than confident behind the wheel.
So this morning when I saw all the snow I was a little bit nervous. I am very glad to say that I kept the truck on the road, which I am sure is because of my excellent driving skills :) Or, I guess it could be the fact that we just got new tires.
When I was almost to work I saw another girl skid off the road, though. It was quite scary because she was in the oncoming lane and I thought she might hit me. But thankfully she was alright and just slid onto the shoulder.
I kept driving at first because I figured that she would be able to pull back out and I saw that she was safely out of the way of traffic, but then I started feeling bad. I kept looking in my rear view mirror waiting for her to pull out and she didn't. I was wondering how much help I could be, and telling myself she would be alright. But finally I had to turn around and make sure.
I am so glad that I did. I know what it feels like to have people drive by and not see if you are alright. When it happened to me last month, nobody stopped. I was halfway home (walking in the crazy deep snow on the side of the highway) when someone gave me a ride. I really appreciated that man's help, and I was so happy that he was there when I needed him.
When I pulled up I could see that she had been crying and she seemed very shook up. I gave her a ride to work, and then I went on my way. I feel really good about this, and she was so grateful.
However, I am a little disappointed that I hesitated before I helped. It made me wonder why. Why do we hesitate when someone needs us? I think that this was an opportunity for me to realize that all the people who drove past me were not mean or horrible. They were just like me. I mean I almost drove on and I knew what it felt like. I am so glad that this happened because now I know to be aware. I need to be more aware of other people, and I need to be more prepared to help when I can.
I think sometimes we get so caught up in our own stuff, that we block out a lot of things around us. I guess I can use this as a learning experience. Now that I am aware of how much I might be missing, I will really try to keep my eyes open. Next time I want to be the girl who stops her car right away and lends a hand. I am going to make a huge effort to keep my eyes open. There are people all around me who may need my help, and I really want to be there for them.
It may only be something as little as a smile to brighten someones day, but I want to start paying attention.
I think we should all try and brighten someone else's day, what a world this could be :)

I hope everyone has a fabulous day. Keep your eyes open!

Scattered Thoughts

When I envision my blog, what do I see? I want to be uplifting and share positive thoughts and feelings with others. I want to have a place to explore my feelings and let them flow. I want to learn more about myself and find new and creative ways to explore my thoughts. I really want to express my creativity and have fun doing it.
I think I will start by maybe picking a book and exploring an idea in it. For now I will read through my copy of Creative Visualization and see what I come up with. I am sure there are some interesting exercises in there and I will work on some of them.
I am looking for inspiration right now. I really want to focus my energy into a positive goal.
I am positive that my husband and I visualized having our baby so strongly that he was created. I think that if we can do that anything is possible. Keeping this in mind I want to give labour a try without any pain medication at all (Yikes, I know). So my ultimate goal is to find ways to use positive visualization and thoughts to help me through the pain. I'll see what I can find out. I know it is possible, and besides I am a little terrified of the epidural. Even though people keep trying to talk me into it :)
Anyway there are some thoughts for now and things to be researched, that should keep me busy. I am very excited to see what I can come up with. I really believe that I have the power to get through anything with as much ease as possible.
I am off to get started. I'll keep posting!

Hope everyone has a great day :)

Good Morning :)

I am up a little bit earlier than usual this morning and I am glad to have the extra time to get ready for my day. I got up with my husband and now I have the time I need to just relax and enjoy a cup of tea before the chaos starts :)
I am really trying to live my life positively. I have been doing really well with this, but the last little while has been a bit tough. Maybe I should explain that I am pregnant and I totally blame any of my inconsistencies on RAGING HORMONES :)
Last night I had a really terrible dream and I was having a hard time letting it go and moving on to a more positive frame of mind. So I decided to make a cup of tea and sit down at the computer and just let it out. I am already feeling better. I guess it may just be enough to reaffirm my positive goals to myself, and tea always helps too.
I plan on having a great day, I will be on time and relaxed for work, and I will interact with people in a positive and friendly manner. Even when they resist :)
Well I guess I will go and get a jump on my morning, I can't wait to begin my fabulous day.

Hope everyone has a bright and shiny day, I will!

Here I Go

So I have been wanting to blog for a very long time. Today I decided that I was just going to do it. I was feeling inspired and so I just dove in. Not very like me, you should know that right off. I am a complete planner. Anyway, I set up my blog and I decorated it (which I love), but then I was lost. I had no idea what else to do. I always have all of these ideas and creative urges fighting for space in my brain, and then all of a sudden there was quiet. Writer's block???
I decided to go browsing other blogs, but I am not sure that was helpful. I just started over-analyzing my own and rethinking the whole setup :) Another thing you should know about me is that I do that A LOT. The over-analyzing thing I mean, and I guess if I am going to be completely honest I also second-guess myself quite a bit too:)
So after all of this I decided to just go with it. I am diving in and seeing what comes from it. After all the whole point, for me anyway, is to discover myself. What better way to do that than by just letting it all out? I am so excited to learn all my secrets.

This is the first step, I plan to really enjoy this journey.
You can come along if you want to :)