On The Road Again!

Lately I have been going through a lot of changes. You wouldn't know it to look at me, because they are all internal. But I am learning so much about who I am and who I want to be. I am trying to create my life exactly how I want it.
I think it must be natural that I have been having so many ups and downs lately. This is how change occurs, I guess. It is not just a straight and easy path, it is a bumpy and winding road.
I feel like a lot of my time on this journey has been spent sitting on the side of the road and waiting for someone to come along with a map.
Or backtracking and getting lost!
I guess what I am trying to say is that for me, and probably everyone, change is hard. I spend a lot of my time thinking I am not getting anywhere at all.
But then I will have a breakthrough, and all of a sudden I am off again. With a full tank :)
I had one of these moments (or breakthroughs) last night.
I was talking to my husband and he said something to me that hurt my feelings. He didn't mean to and he probably isn't even aware that he did. I was thinking about it after and I realized that what he said is something I am always telling him about me. Just one of those things I ALWAYS say about myself. Like 'I am a so lazy' or 'I should do this' or 'I never finish anything I start'. Little, silly, negative things that I am continuously throwing out there.
He was just innocently throwing it back to me.
Then I realized that all of the things that my family say to me that hurt are things I have said to them about me! It occurred to me that I am giving people weapons to hurt me with. I am giving them power over me and then wondering why they use it.
I am letting my lack of self confidence rule me and I am basically telling people to treat me like garbage. I said this to my husband and he said "that is what I have been saying to you forever". Well, okay then, I am listening :)
I guess this is one of those 'easy little things' I have been missing out on!
So I have decided that I will not help anyone put me down. I will not give them the weapons to use against me. I will not say anything negative about myself. Even the littlest thing can come back at me and cause me pain, especially when I hear it from someone else.
I am going to take back my power and be the person I want to be. I will not hide behind excuses and be afraid of change. I am going to be in charge of my life and I will start with loving me.

So, I guess I am on the road again! It feels good :)