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Still feeling good :) I LOVE when that happens. I am letting myself be and it is so nice. I am just enjoying. It is so good when I am in tune with myself and choosing to be happy. I took a step out of my comfort zone this week and started a weight loss blog. That is a really big deal for me. I definitely feel like this is the area I need to focus on right now. Health and fitness are my next destination on this journey of mine. It is my time to feel great and actually LIVE my life. I hope everyone is having a beautiful day :)
I am feeling fabulous :) It is beautiful out today, I am loving myself and everything is bright and shiny. Yay for spring! Or maybe, Yay for me. I have been making a few changes and I am loving how good I feel. I am not even going to worry about how much farther I have to go, or what other obstacles I may encounter. I am just going to enjoy this amazing feeling I have today. I never seem to give myself time to enjoy the great parts of my journey, I skip over them and move on to my next issue. Well today it feels really good to just let it be :) I am happy! It feels really good. I am going to make a huge effort to live my life with an 'attitude of gratitude'. I haven't been focused on this for a while and it was really bringing me down. Today I am grateful for my strength, for love, for spending time with my family and for the sun.Sending out positive and happy thoughts today :)
I feel like I am opening my eyes, for the first time in a long while. It is sometimes almost too bright and the change is a little scary, but I am ready to stop hiding. If you have been reading along you may have noticed that I am not a huge fan of change. I resist, I make excuses and I hide. I have been aware of this for a while and I have been moving along with this awareness. Often, it seems, at a snails pace :) Sometimes it seems especially hard, and I am sure that at these times I am making the most progress. I am really amazed at how many different ways I have found to hide over the years. Things I thought I did just for enjoyment, that were really ways to hide out :)For example, I LOVE to read. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you. Books are great, but I have definitely been using them as a way to hide from or avoid unpleasantness. OK, if I am completely honest, I have to say I have also used them to avoid change in any way! There are other ways that I have hidden, I am after all very creative :) But I have to say one of the most self-destructive ways I chose to hide was by gaining weight. This probably doesn't make sense to you, or maybe it does, but by gaining weight I have hidden myself very effectively. It is almost like the more weight I gain the less I can see me. The less I AM me! I am inside somewhere, but I am hidden. In many ways this has really been working for me, avoider (yes I know that isn't really a word) that I am :) But now that I am opening my eyes and looking around I see that I don't want to let this go on. Usually at this point I stop and close my eyes again. Because change is hard and I really don't like it. But lately I have been letting my true self out more and I find that I really like her, A LOT! Way more than I like this other person I have let myself become. So change will be necessary it seems.I was looking at a website recently called Secrets Of A Weight Loss Master and it really made a lot of sense to me. Especially when I read that "The secret to permanent weight loss is to remember and recover who you really are." So on my Journey of change today I thought I would work on using a few of the Affirmations I found there. Here they are if you would like to use them yourself:- Just for today I will practice self-acceptance. The struggle ends with me. I choose to stop struggling. I deserve peace.
- Joy is my natural state. I will begin to act from my center and tap into the joy that is mine.
- I let go easily of the things that no longer serve me. Life is a series of endings and new beginnings. I surrender the old, so that I may receive the new.
Happy thoughts to you :)Oh, and, how do you hide?
It has been four months since my last post. WOW!!! I usually have so much to say. For the last little while it's kind of been like there are no words to explain what I mean to say. OK, that sounded weird - yes?? I mean to say that I have been coming to my blog, often, and attempting to write and nothing comes. I have a lot of issues that are working themselves out in my head and I feel like I have been making plenty of breakthroughs - but I guess I just needed some alone time with my thoughts :) I am ready to get moving again, on with the journey.
It seems like there are so many starts, but I guess that is a good thing. Starting is definitely better than stopping ;) I am determined and committed to seeing this through. I am actually really excited right now. I have a lot of creative ideas and challenges that I am ready to tackle. I feel like I have so much power and energy right now and I am taking control back. I guess the last four months must have just been the calm before the storm. I am ready and determined to take a step outside of my comfort zone. Stay tuned...
Lately I have been going through a lot of changes. You wouldn't know it to look at me, because they are all internal. But I am learning so much about who I am and who I want to be. I am trying to create my life exactly how I want it.
I think it must be natural that I have been having so many ups and downs lately. This is how change occurs, I guess. It is not just a straight and easy path, it is a bumpy and winding road.
I feel like a lot of my time on this journey has been spent sitting on the side of the road and waiting for someone to come along with a map.
Or backtracking and getting lost!
I guess what I am trying to say is that for me, and probably everyone, change is hard. I spend a lot of my time thinking I am not getting anywhere at all.
But then I will have a breakthrough, and all of a sudden I am off again. With a full tank :)
I had one of these moments (or breakthroughs) last night.
I was talking to my husband and he said something to me that hurt my feelings. He didn't mean to and he probably isn't even aware that he did. I was thinking about it after and I realized that what he said is something I am always telling him about me. Just one of those things I ALWAYS say about myself. Like 'I am a so lazy' or 'I should do this' or 'I never finish anything I start'. Little, silly, negative things that I am continuously throwing out there.
He was just innocently throwing it back to me.
Then I realized that all of the things that my family say to me that hurt are things I have said to them about me! It occurred to me that I am giving people weapons to hurt me with. I am giving them power over me and then wondering why they use it.
I am letting my lack of self confidence rule me and I am basically telling people to treat me like garbage. I said this to my husband and he said "that is what I have been saying to you forever". Well, okay then, I am listening :)
I guess this is one of those 'easy little things' I have been missing out on!
So I have decided that I will not help anyone put me down. I will not give them the weapons to use against me. I will not say anything negative about myself. Even the littlest thing can come back at me and cause me pain, especially when I hear it from someone else.
I am going to take back my power and be the person I want to be. I will not hide behind excuses and be afraid of change. I am going to be in charge of my life and I will start with loving me.
So, I guess I am on the road again! It feels good :)
You should know that I am a HUGE procrastinator!
The funny thing is that I hate this about myself and yet it is the thing I have the hardest time changing.
I do not like to be late, yet I am always running behind schedule. I always like to plan things and be prepared, yet I leave everything until the last minute.
It absolutely drives me CU-RAAAZY!!!
Anyway I think I had an epiphany the other day. I was in the shower, where apparently I do all my best thinking ;), and it occurred to me that procrastinating is like putting happiness off until later.
I mean if I do the dishes right away I am so happy about how clean my kitchen looks and I can relax, but if I do them later my kitchen looks crappy and on top of that I feel bad because once again I put something off that I could have just done and gotten over with.
Not to mention the fact that when I put off a small job until later it is usually a GINORMOUS job by the time I 'get to it'.
So I finally realized that every time I say "I'll do that later" it is the same thing as saying "I will be happy later".
Lately I haven't been putting anything off, no matter how big or small, and shockingly (sarcastic much?) I am much happier. I feel like I am being the real me, finally.
I am planning, I am cleaning things as I notice them, I am following the 'never put off until tomorrow what you can do today' rule.
It is definitely making my life run smoother.
I know people are probably saying 'Duh - that is so easy! I have always known that'. But honestly for me it wasn't really clicking until now.
So I am wondering how many other 'easy' little things I am missing out on.
If one little change can make such a huge difference where else can I improve?
I am definitely going to be keeping my eyes open for ideas - no more procrastinating there either:)What have you been putting off?
I was looking through my pictures again this morning and I thought I would share these ones. I remember this day clearly. It was so beautiful. The air felt fresh and crisp and everything looked so clean and bright. Looking back through these pictures brought those feelings right back to me. It was just exactly what I needed today. I am going to keep thinking how great I felt that day and take some of those great feelings with me throughout today.I hope you enjoy them too, they make me think of a fresh start :)
