Who Would I Be?

I am reading quite a few books right now. I think I must be going through some kind of change, spiritually, and books are where I always head when my world feels like it is turning upside down.
I am trying to figure out who I want to be. I know that may sound silly, after all I am thirty-one years old. Not only do I not know who I am but I also don't know who I want to be.
I am trying to flow with the process, just let things come as they will, and eventually I will get there. I suppose I will breathe a sigh of relief and say "so here I am, this is me!"
But I can't seem to let the process flow, I am trying to guide it and push it and force it along. So... enter the books.
They are great books, and I find them inspiring, but for some reason since I have been reading I have gone from feeling hopeful to anxious. And from focused to flighty.
I am sure this is just my perfectionism trying to take over. I am feeling very unsatisfied in most areas of my life right now. I am not unhappy, but I feel as though I am missing something. Anyway, back to the books. I read a sentence in one of them that is really sticking with me. It was from Excuses Begone!. The quote is 'If no one told me who I was, who would I be?' I think this is an amazing question.
The author advises me to 'quietly meditate on this by spending time in the spaciousness of not knowing.' There is my problem. I started out quietly meditating and then I started pushing.
I hate not knowing!
I guess my task for today will be to take fifteen minutes of time for myself and just relax. I will meditate and I will visualize and I will not push. Instead of putting a time limit on my journey I will take a few minutes and enjoy the possibilities.

I am ready to enjoy the journey, wish me luck :)

Create

Okay, honestly, I am completely off track right now. But I feel so excited about all of my possibilities. I am not eating the way I should, I am not living the life I know that I want to and yet I am still feeling excitement. I know that the possibilities are endless, and I can't wait to visualize my future full of happiness and gratitude and surprises. I can't wait to bring it into reality. I read today about vision boards, and it reminded me that I had planned to do one for myself ages ago. I want one for my future, things like home and health and family. I also want one for financial abundance and possibly my future career. I am so glad that I read about vision boards today because now I feel like I will finally get focused on doing this. I feel a little flame of excitement burning inside of me. If just imagining my vision board can make me feel this positive and excited, imagine how well it will work for me when I have actually created it. I know what is important to me and I visualize as often as I can about how I want my life to be, I am so excited to add this extra tool to my visualization. Creating this board will make me so much more powerful in my visualizing activities. I cannot wait - so off I go to get started.

The possibilities are endless - I love that :)

Getting on Track :)

Wow, I have not posted in a LONG time. I have been a little busy the last few months. We had our beautiful baby boy at the beginning of April. He is so sweet and we all love him like crazy. Our Daughter cannot get enough of him. I am very happy, but lately I have noticed that I am losing more and more of my positive outlook. I haven't been working at it. I need to remember to work at it. I am definitely happy, but I forget that I need to constantly live life with an attitude of gratitude. I know life is so much better when I do. I can't just sit back and say "life is perfect, I have everything I need and want". I have to constantly be grateful for what I have, and I need to actively work at being the positive, healthy and happy person I know that I am. After all it is so worth it. I will start today. I am going to make a list of ten things to be grateful for and I am going to be grateful :)

So happy to be getting back on track :)

Oh Baby!

I haven't written in quite a while. Things have been pretty busy around here. Getting ready for the baby and spending a lot of quality time with our daughter.
I am starting to get a little nervous about my delivery, but I am sure it will go smoothly :) There is some positive thinking!
As of now my doctor is saying that I will be induced on the 6th, so I have two weeks to go. Time has really flown.
I feel good, and I think we are almost ready around here. I kind of wish it was May though and I was already finished, hee hee!
I am looking for ways to use visualization during my delivery, because I am trying to avoid meds. I am sure I will do wonderfully, and my husband will be there so that is all I need.
Anyway, I am obviously preoccupied with baby stuff right now, so I guess that is it for today.

Sending positive thoughts to everyone :)

RAGING HORMONES??

I am feeling a little grumpy lately. I know that it is pregnancy, plus I have always been a very emotional person.
I am so excited that our little boy is almost here, but I am SO scared of giving birth. It probably sounds silly because, after all, I have done this before. But it is scarier this time, because I know what is coming.
I am really snapping at people a lot. I mean, not all the time, I am not a monster :) But enough that it is upsetting me.
I find that I have very little patience with my mother, especially. She seems to know exactly what buttons to push to drive me crazy, and I am definitely letting her get to me. I don't think she is doing it on purpose, I am taking complete responsibility. Well alright, I will place some of the blame on my RAGING HORMONES again :) But, I need to get a grip!
I haven't really had much to blog about lately and when I sat down today this is what came out. So, obviously, I need to resolve this issue.
As usual I feel better just writing it out, I guess I should blog more often.
I will make a conscious goal to be kinder to my mother. After all, who needs the bad Karma? If I am ugly to my mother, I may be dealing with a really cranky baby for a very long time :)

Happy thoughts :)

Sheduled Joy

I have been a little sick this weekend. It is a really yucky sinus infection or something, so I have a wonderful headache :) My daughter is sick too, poor baby.
I am so glad that I am in a better frame of mind lately. Before, if I got sick, I would hide under the covers and feel miserable and sorry for myself. But not now. I refuse to feel worse than I have to. I think healthy thoughts, I take care of myself and I go on with my routine. I mean, I feel like I am like twelve months pregnant right now, so it is a little more difficult, but I still do my best. I used to take time out of my day to focus on how crappy I was feeling, and now I refuse to do it. I will focus on the positive, even when I am feeling under the weather, and I really do feel better faster.
I was thinking about this the other day. The fact that I used to waste time on negative thoughts and feelings, when I should have been focusing on positive things instead. It actually occurred to me when I was reading a post on the pregnancy site I visit. A woman was talking about how her husband is going away in April, and when she marked it on the calendar she realized it was the one year anniversary of her mother's death. She was unsure if she wanted her husband to go away, because she planned on being upset on this day.
I was thinking that it seems weird to me that people schedule time for sadness. I understand that it would be a rough day, I would be upset too. But why are we so much more likely to schedule sadness than joy? I have decided that I will not 'schedule' sadness anymore. I mean when it comes I will feel it, and deal with it, and experience it. But I will no longer plan for it. I am choosing to plan for happiness and joy. I won't hide from sadness, but I won't go looking for it either!

Have a great day :)

The Journey

I am feeling pretty agitated right now. I know why, It is completely clear to me. I woke up in a really great mood, then after one phone call I am feeling miserable. Why do I let others have so much influence over my mood? Possibly because I am a sucker? No, because sometimes I forget to be as positive as I want to be and I take on other people's negative issues. I shouldn't do it. But hey, I am only human. So I guess it is bound to happen once in a while. After all this is a journey, and I am learning as I go.
Right now just writing is actually helping me to get rid of some of the negative feelings and thoughts I was having, who knew? I know that when I am feeling negative a great exercise, for me anyway, is to clearly visualize how I want to be feeling. I also restate my positive goals and then I usually feel better. Today I was just determined to stay grumpy I guess.
Maybe I should start writing down my goals as I blog, then I may think of new ones and keep on going.
Some of my goals are: to have an attitude of gratitude, to be more confident, to see the beauty in everything and everyone, to Practice the Four Agreements: Be impeccable with my word/ Don't take anything personally/ Don't make assumptions/ Always do my best, to let go of the past, to forgive, and to be the change I want to see in the world.
Those are not all of them, it is just part of my list from 43 things, but putting them down again makes me see exactly where I need to focus my energy. I definitely do not have room for negative thoughts.
I am off now, to be more positive for the rest of the day :)

Sending positive thoughts out to you too!