It's Been A Long Time!

Wow, it's been a really long time since I posted on here.  I am not ready to shut this blog down though, I wonder why.  I post over on my other blog now at Between The Before & After.  I have been focusing on my weight loss.  But it turns out I could have just done it all here ;)  I am working through all of my inner garbage, and that is how I am losing the weight.  I am sure I will be back over here again, sometime.  For now I will just keep going as I have.  If anyone reads this, hi :), I hope you are enjoying great things!

Next Stop!!!

Still feeling good :) I LOVE when that happens. I am letting myself be and it is so nice. I am just enjoying. It is so good when I am in tune with myself and choosing to be happy. I took a step out of my comfort zone this week and started a weight loss blog. That is a really big deal for me. I definitely feel like this is the area I need to focus on right now. Health and fitness are my next destination on this journey of mine. It is my time to feel great and actually LIVE my life.

I hope everyone is having a beautiful day :)

Oh Happy Day!

I am feeling fabulous :) It is beautiful out today, I am loving myself and everything is bright and shiny. Yay for spring! Or maybe, Yay for me. I have been making a few changes and I am loving how good I feel. I am not even going to worry about how much farther I have to go, or what other obstacles I may encounter. I am just going to enjoy this amazing feeling I have today. I never seem to give myself time to enjoy the great parts of my journey, I skip over them and move on to my next issue. Well today it feels really good to just let it be :) I am happy! It feels really good. I am going to make a huge effort to live my life with an 'attitude of gratitude'. I haven't been focused on this for a while and it was really bringing me down. Today I am grateful for my strength, for love, for spending time with my family and for the sun.


Sending out positive and happy thoughts today :)

Change Is Good :)

I feel like I am opening my eyes, for the first time in a long while. It is sometimes almost too bright and the change is a little scary, but I am ready to stop hiding.
If you have been reading along you may have noticed that I am not a huge fan of change. I resist, I make excuses and I hide. I have been aware of this for a while and I have been moving along with this awareness. Often, it seems, at a snails pace :) Sometimes it seems especially hard, and I am sure that at these times I am making the most progress.
I am really amazed at how many different ways I have found to hide over the years. Things I thought I did just for enjoyment, that were really ways to hide out :)
For example, I LOVE to read. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you. Books are great, but I have definitely been using them as a way to hide from or avoid unpleasantness. OK, if I am completely honest, I have to say I have also used them to avoid change in any way! There are other ways that I have hidden, I am after all very creative :)
But I have to say one of the most self-destructive ways I chose to hide was by gaining weight. This probably doesn't make sense to you, or maybe it does, but by gaining weight I have hidden myself very effectively. It is almost like the more weight I gain the less I can see me. The less I AM me! I am inside somewhere, but I am hidden. In many ways this has really been working for me, avoider (yes I know that isn't really a word) that I am :) But now that I am opening my eyes and looking around I see that I don't want to let this go on.
Usually at this point I stop and close my eyes again. Because change is hard and I really don't like it. But lately I have been letting my true self out more and I find that I really like her, A LOT! Way more than I like this other person I have let myself become.
So change will be necessary it seems.
I was looking at a website recently called Secrets Of A Weight Loss Master and it really made a lot of sense to me. Especially when I read that "The secret to permanent weight loss is to remember and recover who you really are." So on my Journey of change today I thought I would work on using a few of the Affirmations I found there. Here they are if you would like to use them yourself:

• Just for today I will practice self-acceptance. The struggle ends with me. I choose to stop struggling. I deserve peace.

• Joy is my natural state. I will begin to act from my center and tap into the joy that is mine.

• I let go easily of the things that no longer serve me. Life is a series of endings and new beginnings. I surrender the old, so that I may receive the new.

Happy thoughts to you :)

Oh, and, how do you hide?

Hello Again - OR - On With The Journey!!!

It has been four months since my last post. WOW!!! I usually have so much to say.
For the last little while it's kind of been like there are no words to explain what I mean to say. OK, that sounded weird - yes?? I mean to say that I have been coming to my blog, often, and attempting to write and nothing comes.
I have a lot of issues that are working themselves out in my head and I feel like I have been making plenty of breakthroughs - but I guess I just needed some alone time with my thoughts :) I am ready to get moving again, on with the journey.
It seems like there are so many starts, but I guess that is a good thing. Starting is definitely better than stopping ;) I am determined and committed to seeing this through.
I am actually really excited right now. I have a lot of creative ideas and challenges that I am ready to tackle. I feel like I have so much power and energy right now and I am taking control back.
I guess the last four months must have just been the calm before the storm. I am ready and determined to take a step outside of my comfort zone.

Stay tuned...

On The Road Again!

Lately I have been going through a lot of changes. You wouldn't know it to look at me, because they are all internal. But I am learning so much about who I am and who I want to be. I am trying to create my life exactly how I want it.
I think it must be natural that I have been having so many ups and downs lately. This is how change occurs, I guess. It is not just a straight and easy path, it is a bumpy and winding road.
I feel like a lot of my time on this journey has been spent sitting on the side of the road and waiting for someone to come along with a map.
Or backtracking and getting lost!
I guess what I am trying to say is that for me, and probably everyone, change is hard. I spend a lot of my time thinking I am not getting anywhere at all.
But then I will have a breakthrough, and all of a sudden I am off again. With a full tank :)
I had one of these moments (or breakthroughs) last night.
I was talking to my husband and he said something to me that hurt my feelings. He didn't mean to and he probably isn't even aware that he did. I was thinking about it after and I realized that what he said is something I am always telling him about me. Just one of those things I ALWAYS say about myself. Like 'I am a so lazy' or 'I should do this' or 'I never finish anything I start'. Little, silly, negative things that I am continuously throwing out there.
He was just innocently throwing it back to me.
Then I realized that all of the things that my family say to me that hurt are things I have said to them about me! It occurred to me that I am giving people weapons to hurt me with. I am giving them power over me and then wondering why they use it.
I am letting my lack of self confidence rule me and I am basically telling people to treat me like garbage. I said this to my husband and he said "that is what I have been saying to you forever". Well, okay then, I am listening :)
I guess this is one of those 'easy little things' I have been missing out on!
So I have decided that I will not help anyone put me down. I will not give them the weapons to use against me. I will not say anything negative about myself. Even the littlest thing can come back at me and cause me pain, especially when I hear it from someone else.
I am going to take back my power and be the person I want to be. I will not hide behind excuses and be afraid of change. I am going to be in charge of my life and I will start with loving me.

So, I guess I am on the road again! It feels good :)

Putting Off Happiness???

You should know that I am a HUGE procrastinator!
The funny thing is that I hate this about myself and yet it is the thing I have the hardest time changing.
I do not like to be late, yet I am always running behind schedule. I always like to plan things and be prepared, yet I leave everything until the last minute.
It absolutely drives me CU-RAAAZY!!!
Anyway I think I had an epiphany the other day. I was in the shower, where apparently I do all my best thinking ;), and it occurred to me that procrastinating is like putting happiness off until later.
I mean if I do the dishes right away I am so happy about how clean my kitchen looks and I can relax, but if I do them later my kitchen looks crappy and on top of that I feel bad because once again I put something off that I could have just done and gotten over with.
Not to mention the fact that when I put off a small job until later it is usually a GINORMOUS job by the time I 'get to it'.
So I finally realized that every time I say "I'll do that later" it is the same thing as saying "I will be happy later".
Lately I haven't been putting anything off, no matter how big or small, and shockingly (sarcastic much?) I am much happier. I feel like I am being the real me, finally.
I am planning, I am cleaning things as I notice them, I am following the 'never put off until tomorrow what you can do today' rule.
It is definitely making my life run smoother.
I know people are probably saying 'Duh - that is so easy! I have always known that'. But honestly for me it wasn't really clicking until now.
So I am wondering how many other 'easy' little things I am missing out on.
If one little change can make such a huge difference where else can I improve?
I am definitely going to be keeping my eyes open for ideas - no more procrastinating there either:)

What have you been putting off?